Richard's Online Journal
[03/05/08] Things Can Only Get Boris
My..um.. my first plan is to... well... Gosh. Isn't this lovely?
Since the London mayoral votes came in, just about everyone I know down in the capital has been bemoaning democracy’s core problem, that idiots get the vote too and they’ve just voted in their king. Hard to disagree. Whatever the future holds, Boris Johnson is a bizarre choice - a man whose principal contribution to modern politics is making Have I Got News For You slightly safer for other politicians willing to clamber into Hislop and Merton’s slavering jaws.
But there’s an upside too, which nobody’s considering. Think of the usual political system. Some charismatic stallion comes to power on a raft of promises, hopes, expectations, and wild fervour, only to disappoint everyone and once again demonstrate why so many people can’t be bothered to waste valuable minutes of their lives voting for these liars, hypocrites, and other inevitable controversies to be.
In short: rubbish.
Except in Boris’ case, what can go wrong? Love him or loathe him, his arrogant, stumbling, half-coherent, slack-jawed, floppy-haired, odd-staring, Liverpool annoying, smug-talking, coconut hoarding, Wodehouse-pastiching boobery is what got him the job in the first place! When politicians say ‘the only way is up’, normally they’re staring at their opposition, not their own Wikipedia page.
That arguably makes Boris the perfect candidate for any high office. The worst he can do is confirm sane peoples’ worst fears, which is simultaneously what the rest voted him in for. Not exactly Churchill-worthy praise, but hey, better that than anything Archer’s mother managed to produce. It’s a good day for comedy, and an even better one for us non-Londoners who no longer have to be inundated with tedious crap about London mayoral elections we don’t care about! So overall, it could be worse.
(London doesn’t have the bomb, right? Phew. Thank Christ...)
Comments on this story
It’s worth pointing out that I don’t think Boris is stupid, not by a long shot. It’s just that that perception is what he’s most famous for, and it’s a massive reason at least a lot of people felt like doing the political equivalent of punching ‘Jedi’ on their voting form.
Posted by Richard on Sunday 4th May
Oh, I don’t think he is stupid either, but he is quite funny.
Posted by Nick on Monday 5th May
This general election, vote for a candidate that Rory Bremner can actually do. It’s just good manners.
Posted by Richard on Monday 5th May
Could be worse, could be Alistair Mcgowan and we’d all have to abstain.
Posted by Nick on Tuesday 6th May
I’m not even convinced Alistair McGowan can do a good impression of Alistair McGowan. But Bremner’s Gordon Brown really is terrible.
Posted by Richard on Tuesday 6th May
I always liked the way both Dead Ringers and I *think* Alistair McGowans lot actually said who they were impersonating at the beginning of their rubbishly unfunny scripted sketches. It was like they had to or you honestly wouldn’t know yourself. “Hi, I’m Tony Blair.. honest I am..”
But yes, his GB is pretty dire. Thankfully his writing (team?) is a lot better than the other impressionists. You’ve got to love the Johns too. Well, I do anyway.
Posted by Nick on Tuesday 6th May
The two Johns are terrific, yep. It’s almost like a spectator sport; watching for the lip-tremble that suggests desperation at trying not to laugh.
And very, very, very occasionally… so occasionally that it’s almost spoken off in legend… one of them breaks…
Posted by Richard on Tuesday 6th May
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When pretty much every candidate is going to be shit/evil/corrupt, you may at least have a laugh whilst you are being screwed over.
Posted by Nick on Saturday 3rd May